EFT

Emotional expression is our first form of communication. It is learned well before verbal language, and it is deeply connected to our core identity, even as thoughts and spoken words develop. However, understanding these emotions and expressing them through language can be a challenge. As we grow and develop and based on experiences with our caregiving systems, gender roles, and overall societal expectation, we receive messages that tell us that emotions are a problem and to rely on our rational minds over feelings.

Emotional intelligence is ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions in oneself and others, and effective communication relies on this. Without this knowledge we are prone to burying our emotions or judging them. Without an ability to hold space for our own emotions, we run the risk of also overlooking our partner’s emotional experiences. Building emotional awareness helps us know what we need and want (or don't want) and build better relationships. Building awareness of our emotions can help us to talk about feelings more clearly, avoid or resolve conflicts better, and move through difficult feelings more easily.

Emotion- Focused Therapy (EFT) is based on attachment theory and helps individuals and couples build more secure emotional bonds by understanding, expressing, and changing emotional patterns to foster deeper connection and trust. EFT focuses on identifying underlying emotions (like fear or needs for closeness) versus behaviors.

EFT focuses on three core principles. First, it is attachment-based and rooted in the idea that our romantic relationships mirror our earliest bonds, emphasizing the need for secure connection. Second, it is emotion-centered, believing that emotions are central to our experiences and relationships. And third, it is systemic and views that relationship distress is a result of negative cycle where partners get stuck in reactive patterns, driven by attachment insecurity.

EFT work is hard, but it can guide clients to create new, positive interaction cycles and heal past hurts. It will first identify the negative patterns in conflict; then ask clients to explore the softer emotions beneath the surface (like fear of abandonment or low self-worth); and helps clients to identify their more vulnerable needs and understand those of their partner, fostering empathy and responsiveness.